WRITING STYLE TIPS FOR DESCRIPTION AND DIALOGUE

Many screenwriters feel they have to create a unique “voice” to separate their work from the other two million scripts that are on the market at any given time. Often, in doing so, the writing gets in the way of the story and distracts the reader. It’s akin to a film director using all his fancy camera techniques and calling attention to himself instead of just telling a good story visually. It’s best to ‘paint’ a great story using a unique palate of colorful words without writer idiosyncrasies getting in the way.

Another huge distraction to the astute reader is poorly executed mechanics – grammar, punctuation, spelling, and word choice. An amazing number of people don’t know the difference between plural and possessive case, or proper use of commas and apostrophes, or that they’ve used the same word five times on a page, among other elements of basic writing skills. Yet, these fundamentals are just as important in screenwriting as they are in any other kind of writing.

Learn to use the apostrophe correctly.

Learn the difference between possessive case and plural.

Learn the proper use of commas – before conjunctions; serial comma.

Absorb and digest “THE ELEMENTS OF STYLE”

Search internet for grammar sites. There are many.

Take classes at www.writersonlineworkshops.com

The reader reads your script hoping to find a good story that s/he can market. Contrary to popular opinion, a screenplay is more than a mere blueprint for a movie because it must evoke emotional connection to character and passionate affection for theme. In the course of these writing tips I’m going to show you how to develop a style that makes you look like a pro and gives your story a scintillating read which services all these needs of voice, mechanics, and passion.

ACTION VERBS (part1)

The first priority in your description paragraphs are your predicate phrases. While polishing your script, spend some valuable time selecting the perfect verb for each sentence. I suggest that you write in complete sentences until you understand the proper sense of tone and pacing through phrasing while maintaining comprehension. Fragmented sentences are difficult to read when used inadequately. After all, the verb is the most important element in dramatic description writing. Make sure your verb expresses the specific action of the subject, whether stated or implied.

...and my all-time favorite:

“he quietly closes his eyes”       (ever try to close your eyes loudly?)

You get the idea.

Often, adverbs are a redundancy. Usually, the action, or dialogue, or the word the adverb modifies, shows us what we need in order to see the action quite well. So, the adverb serves no purpose but to waste ink and space. Here are some examples: runs quickly, trips clumsily, glares angrily, yells loudly, smiles happily, et cetera. Cut the modifier. The verb says it all.

Take a little time and “show” on the page how this character is acting happy, or how that character is annoyed. What do they do that shows us their emotional state at the time? Show their individuality through specific action. Does a character always rub his nose when he’s excited? Then, don’t write the word “excitedly.” Write “He gasps and rubs his nose.” Details define character. Do not shy away from writing specific actions.

Work to avoid generic verbs like “walks, runs, smiles, looks,” et cetera, because they are magnets for clichéd adverbs like “quickly, slowly, softly, loudly, quietly, gently, happily, tightly, loosely” et cetera.

Push yourself to spend more time choosing your verbs. You will find that your script will become much more exciting by this one exercise alone. Adverbs. Avoid ‘em.

ACTION VERBS (part 2)

Action verbs are the soul of screenplay writing. Because movies are a visual medium, action is paramount. You can convey story information only through what the audience sees and hears, so you want to choose the most potent action words. To accomplish this, avoid passive and helping verbs. They weaken the action.

For example:

“Jack and Jill are sitting in the stands drinking beer.”

Perhaps the writer thinks he needs the helping verb because we discover the characters doing these things when the scene opens. Still, you can write to show character and relationship.

“Jack and Jill slump in the stands. Jack hauls a Budweiser up to his lips and takes a slug. Jill pops the top on another brew and chugs down.”

Or...

“Jack and Jill perch in the stands. Jack sips a beer... offers it to Jill.”

Or...

“Jack and Jill hunch in the stands. Jack guzzles beer from a can. Jill snatches it away from him and takes a swig.”

Each rewrite offers a different perspective on character and relationship because of potent verb use that creates a more specific image. Here’s another example of a character in relationship to props.

“She is making a doily while drinking a mint julep and eating cucumber sandwiches.”

This description of screenplay action demonstrates a number of faults. First, no actor can do all these things at once, so they must be presented in order in which we see them. That’s why screenplays are written in present tense with a specific linear sequence of actions. Second, the helping verb with gerunds (making; drinking; eating; see: http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_verbals.html ) make the action weak and non-descript.

Consider this revision:

“She crochets a doily. The grandfather clock clangs. She looks up at the time, reaches for her mint julep, and takes a sip... sets the glass beside a plate of crustless cucumber sandwiches.”

Later in the scene, we can describe the character nibbling a cucumber sandwich. In any case, the rewrite reflects specific, vital action. It gives us a tone of the scene.

Another predicate situation to avoid is passive voice. (http://owl.english.purdue.edu/handouts/grammar/g_actpass.html) It combines the verb “to be” with the past participle of an action verb, thus weakening the action and often reversing the subject and object of a sentence.

Consider the following:

“Jack and Jill are seated meekly across from Boss.”

Instead, you could write:

“Jack and Jill cower in their seats under Boss’s scrutiny.”

Here’s another:

“The sheep are gathered in the slaughtering pen.”

I suggest:

“The sheep huddle in the slaughtering pen.”

Avoid passive voice. Show what we see right now, in this moment. Write specific images frame by frame and bring the immediacy of the story to our eyes through strong action verbs.

SIMPLICITY

A friend of mine is an editor for a newspaper, and he complains that people can’t write a simple sentence anymore. To test editorial applicants, he asks how they would write the following:

”The cow crossed the road.”

The majority turns in something like:

“The bodhisattva bovine, heavy with fatigue from its jaw-grinding day of harvesting fresh shoots of redtop and horsetail, swinging its milk-laden udder to and fro with its languorous gait, gingerly stepped its way over the sun-baked and deeply-rutted dirt road on its way to relieve its lactate burden in the secure confines of the farmer’s dairy barn.”

Okay, maybe I overstated my point. In any case, one applicant wrote: “The cow crossed the road.” He got the job.

Clever wordplay doesn’t work in screenplay writing -- only clever story-telling. Abstruse writing doesn’t work. Only brilliant story twists work.

Simple writing puts the focus on the story, not on the writing. Avoid calling attention to yourself as writer. You do not want the reader admiring your glowing prose in the middle of your script. Just tell a great story. Then the reader will exclaim: “Wow! Who wrote this?”

DESCRIPTION/ACTION PARAGRAPHS

Before reading a script, readers often flip through it to see how much text is on the page. If they see long description blocks, they place the script at the bottom of the pile. They hope they won’t have time to read it. In fact, there are a number of red flags for the reader:

1. too many pages;

2. too many words on a page;

3. improper format, fat paragraphs;

4. long speeches;

5. too many characters early on;

6. typos/misspelled words;

7. poor grammar & punctuation.

Keep your description/action paragraphs under four lines. It is best to break up the paragraph into perceived camera shots. Don’t refer to the camera, however.

Remember that each page of script represents one minute or less of screen time. Each page has 55-57 lines (uncheated!) including spaces, which means that each line represent about a second of screen time, so spread your action out to accommodate that convention.

WE SEE/WE HEAR

A screenplay represents two kinds of information: sight and sound. All aspects of a screenplay -- story, character, scene, action, everything -- derive from these two kinds of information. Cut all references to the audience. “We” are not in your story. It’s obvious that everything that you display in the description paragraph is something that we see or hear.

NO: Jill, trying to concentrate, looks away, to a phone on a nearby table... and we hear the sound of a phone ringing.
YES: Jill looks to a phone on the table by her chair. It rings.

NO: Jack studies his laptop on the kitchen counter, and we don’t see what’s on the screen when his hand hits ‘ENTER’.
YES: Jack studies his laptop screen... hits ‘ENTER’.

NO: We see the bird’s eye-view of treetops as we swoop down through the trees toward a single neighborhood house.
YES: The house resides on an oak-lined suburban street.

SHOW, DON’T TELL

When you make a general statement that doesn’t give a specific picture, that’s a giveaway that you are telling instead of showing. Write in pictures and actions. Describe what we see and hear. Avoid abstract narratives and psychological states. Show us what happens. See Examples.

Telling : He and his words don’t fit with this group. He’s a fish out of water.
Showing : He glances around at them, shuffles his feet, and snorts.

Telling : Jack’s been in these situations before – and we sense he and Jill have a history.
Showing : Jack nods to Jill. JACK: ‘your hair’s different.’

Telling : Jill’s worst fear is confirmed. It can’t possibly be happening. She’s in a powerless, almost zombie-like state.
Showing : Jill swallows hard and shudders. Her eyes glaze over, her chin trembles, and her limbs grow rigid.

Telling : Jack and Jill are in bed having sex. It’s not really happening for Jill, but she doesn’t mind.
Showing : Jack plows Jill like a dog drunk on pheromones. She stares at the ceiling with a wan smile.

Telling : Jill doesn’t understand. She looks at him. He tries to smile, but knows it’s inappropriate.
Showing : Jill cocks her head and wrinkles her brow at him. He forces a smile, bites his lip, and shrugs.

Allow the context of the scene to imply the intentions and internal monologues of the characters. Let the reader imagine the inner world from the physical images you paint.

HOW DO WE KNOW?

Avoid writing something that the audience can’t know by watching the movie. All information needs to be made visual or aural. Tell the story with action, dialogue, and sound. Write only what we can see and hear.

Examples of things we can’t know by watching your movie:

Jill’s CEO of Worldwide Compumax, a single mother, and a scratch golfer.

They’ve seen this strange behavior from Jack before.

Jill has more important things on her mind.

Jack is a solitary man with few words.

Jill longs to overhear the conversation.

Jack and Jill decided never to have children.

Jack thinks he’ll go inside to a private meeting.

Jill is afraid to contradict Jack on anything .

How is this different from telling? It actually is a form of telling, but you are giving us information that we can’t pick up from the visual and aural cues on the screen in our mind. Perhaps it can’t be shown at the moment you are giving us the info, but can be revealed by showing it at some later point in the script if and when necessary. If so, save it for when you can. If it can be shown in the moment, do so, but only if it’s pertinent to that specific beat and develops the forward movement of the story and character.

AS/WHILE

These words often create a situation in sentence structure that reverses two actions from the order in which they happen, or the logical progression of actions. Use short sentences put them in the order in which the action is seen on the screen. After all, you are writing a movie. Keep the frames of the film in the sequence in which you wish them to be seen.

Bad : Jill bolts upright as Jack bursts into the room and yells.”
Good : Jack bursts into the room and screams; Jill bolts upright.”

Bad : Jack clutches his chest as Jill shoots him point blank.”
Good : Jill shoots Jack point blank; he grabs his chest.”

Bad : Jack screams as Jill backs the car over his bike.”
Good : Jill backs the car over Jack’s bike; Jack screams.”

Bad : Jill cringes slightly at Jack’s strong whiskey breath as he leans over her.
Good : Jack hovers over Jill. She flinches, gasps, and cringes.

Let the context of the scene and actions of the character complete the picture. For instance, in the last example, we already know Jack is drunk. We assume that his breath stinks.

DON’T DO DOESN’T

Write what happens, not what doesn’t happen, what we see and hear, not what we don’t see and hear. If there is no response from a character you show it by not having a response from that character. You don’t have to write "no response." If a character "doesn’t see" something, show what he’s doing, which implies that he’s not seeing something else. Let the word “doesn’t” be a red flag for you. Examples:

Doesn’t : Jack’s doesn’t respond to Jill’s wiseass remark.
Does: Jack ignores Jill’s remark.

Stronger writing would show Jack in a non-sequitur action that leaves Jill’s remark hanging. For instance: “Jack picks up a book and opens it.”

Doesn’t: Jack watches the door, but Jill doesn’t appear.
Does: Jack stares at the door.

Doesn’t: It’s a dark and stormy night, but it doesn’t rain.
Does: Black clouds obscure the stars. Lightning stabs the darkness. Thunder shakes the windows.

Doesn’t: Jill opens the door. Standing outside is Jack from before holding a large cardboard box. Jill doesn’t recognize him.
Does: Jill opens the door and reveals Jack holding a large cardboard box.
JILL: Yes? JACK: Uh... Hello, Jill? JILL: Who wants to know?

Film is a visual medium where things happen and people act. How can you show us that if you tell us what they aren’t doing?

TRIES TO/ATTEMPTS TO

If a character "tries to" do something, he’s not really doing it. Write what we see on the screen. We don’t see a character "trying" to do something. We see a character in action in which he doesn’t accomplish his intention. Show that action. Some of the most over-used phrases in screenwriting are “tries to”, “begins to”, and “starts to”. I suggest that you avoid them in the interest of variety and specificity.

UGH: Jill, trying to concentrate, looks away.
MMM: Jill looks away.

UGH: Jack tries to get up and can’t.
MMM: Jack struggles to his elbows... falls on his side.

UGH: Jack tries to make this as easy as possible on Jill.
MMM: Jack eases Jill into a chair and pats her shoulder.

SCREEN TIME

Each page of a screenplay should represent one minute or less of screen time. If you are describing an action that takes one minute of screen time, expand it on the page to take up the entire page. Use single sentence paragraphs if necessary. One way to accomplish this is to use perceived camera shots as paragraph breaks. Never refer to the camera, however.

CAMERA REFERENCE

In a reader’s script it is best to avoid referring to the camera. That is not done until the shooting script is written in collaboration with the director. Just tell the story in master scenes. Let the director be concerned with how it will be shot. If you have a specific shot in mind for a particular scene, I’m sure the director will be all ears once he is committed to the movie.

LATER AS TIME-OF-DAY

Avoid using LATER as a time-of-day tag to your slugs because it doesn’t give an indication of DAY or NIGHT, which is needed by budget people. It’s obvious that it’s later because it comes after the scene before it. Use LATER only if your characters stay in the same setting, but time passes. Then, use LATER as its own slug line without INT. or EXT.

CONTINUOUS AS TIME-OF-DAY

Unless the characters move from one location to another, like dining room to kitchen, or INT. to EXT., or EXT to INT., continuing the scene in progress, don’t use this time-of-day tag. In other words, use it if the same scene continues with the same characters in action or dialogue, but is moving from one adjacent location to another. Don’t use CONTINUOUS if it’s a different scene and different characters. Just because two scenes happen simultaneously does not make them continuous. If they happen simultaneously, intercut them with each other.

P.O.V.

Write a P.O.V. (point of view) shot as if the eyes of the character were the camera. TONY’S P.O.V. means that Tony cannot be in the shot. When you break from the P.O.V. shot insert a slug line: BACK TO SCENE if the scene where the P.O.V. shot originated continues. If not, go on to the next EXT. or INT. Example:

Tony looks out the window.

TONY’S P.O.V.

Under the street lamp, a man in a long, dark overcoat crosses the street toward Tony’s house.

BACK TO SCENE

Tony yanks the curtains closed.

Avoid over-using this reference. Yes, this is a camera reference, so sue me. It also implies character action and what a character sees.

CHARACTER INTRODUCTION

Introduce a character in a description paragraph before the character speaks. The first time a reader sees a character’s name, it should be in all caps followed by a specific age using Arabic numbers (not spelled out). The name and age should be followed by a brief physical description. Don’t write what we can’t know merely by watching the screen.

E.g.: MILLY, 23, pixy hair and sunshine smile, sips from a large soda.

Use caps only when first introducing a character in description. This allows casting people to breeze through the script and generate the cast list.

PARENTHETICALS

Use parentheticals for personal direction only. Even then, they should be used sparingly and consist only of those special short instructions intended for a specific character and no one else. These instructions might include: (laughing), (distressed), (whispering), etc. Only use directions like this if there is some ambiguity and clarity is essential to understand the scene. Often, the line itself within the context of the scene implies how the line is to be delivered.

Use parentheticals to indicate that the dialogue should be delivered with a particular accent or should be spoken in another language.

I suggest that you rarely use parentheticals for action even though the current standards allow brief suggestions of action in parentheticals. Writers try to sneak action into a parenthetical because readers tend to skip description and read only dialogue, but good writing doesn’t need the cheat.

M.O.S. – WITHOUT SOUND

The term "MOS" is used, on a slate, when a scene is filmed without sync sound (or any sound).  The "Mit out Sound" legend goes like this. Some of the early directors in Hollywood, whose first language was German, had trouble with the sound “ with” .   So instead of saying, "We are recording this scene “without sound,” the words came out "We are recording this scene “mitout soundt”.   Script ‘girls’ on the set would abbreviate this as MOS. Because of this word corruption, MOS means "without sound." The "Mit out Sound" legend hasn't stuck for all these years because it made sense - it stuck because it's one of those Hollywood stories.  So, when you write that people are talking and we can’t hear them, you designate that as M.O.S. Otherwise, you have to script their dialogue.

SCENE TRANSITIONS

Scene endings like 'CUT TO:', 'DISSOLVE TO:', 'MATCH CUT TO:', etc., should be used sparingly and with purpose. It is assumed that a 'CUT TO:' should be used when moving from one scene to the next.

Use 'CUT TO:' when there is not a logical progression from one scene to the next. For instance, if the scene is at a New York penthouse party, you would 'CUT TO:' the safari camp in the jungle.

'FADE OUT:' is always used at the end of a script. This, of course, necessitates a 'FADE IN:' at the beginning of the script. After using 'FADE OUT:', space down 6 spaces and type THE END, centered, capitalized and underlined. Never use fade out anywhere but at the end of the script.

Scene endings are always capitalized with a colon at Flush-right and two spaces down from description or dialogue. And I just used ‘never’ and ‘always’. I will use the lash on myself later.